How To Plan Your Life

Part 1 - Get a Plan

by Ken Treybig

Where will you be two years from now? What will you be doing? Will you be in high school? Will you be in college by then? What about five or 10 years from now? What do you want to be doing, or have you given it any thought? If you are in the workforce by then, what kind of job do you think you'll have? Will it be a minimum wage job in the fast—food industry, or will you be working at a meaningful and challenging job?

The natural tendency for all of us is to assume the best will happen to us. We like to think that when it comes our time to get a job that it will be an interesting and productive one where we will feel a sense of accomplishment. We like to believe we will have an appreciative boss, or that perhaps we'll be our own boss and that our work environment will be one of our own making.
But the fact is most people tend to drift in life. Some have goals for their lives, and actively work toward those goals. But more often than not, people tend to drift along allowing the currents of life to push them first one direction then the other. Like a leaf floating along in a swiftly moving stream, they allow themselves to be at the mercy of outside forces as their lives unfold.

It is true that life throws us curves. There are many external forces that sometimes seem to converge on our lives, pushing us one direction or the other. There are times when life seems to demand that we make choices about our future, and sometimes it seems we are very limited in the options we have. Still, the fact is we have choices.

A leaf being carried along on a stream has no choice. It is bound by the laws of nature to go where the currents carry it. But God has given human beings minds with the ability to make choices. And He tells us we must make choices in life, as He instructed the fledgling nation of Israel after He freed them from captivity and led them to the land He promised their ancestors (Deuteronomy 30:19).

Where do you want to go?

Many years ago I read a book titled If You Don't Know Where You're Going, You'll Probably End Up Somewhere Else by David Campbell, Ph.D. Somehow that title stuck with me. It seemed to make such a simple yet profound statement all by itself. To this day I think of that title often, especially when I read passages like Proverbs 22:3 that address the importance of looking ahead in life and watching where you're going. That verse says, "A prudent man foresees evil and hides himself, but the simple pass on and are punished."

It is only by looking beyond our next immediate step that we will be able to keep from being washed along by the currents of life. By looking farther up the path of life, we greatly improve our chances of steering away from some of the troubles that could be waiting for us.
To improve your ability to look ahead in the road of life and prepare yourself, you will have to do some thinking and planning for the future. The book, If You Don't Know Where You're Going, You'll Probably End Up Somewhere Else, talks about the inevitable fact that in life everyone will come upon forks in the road where they will have to choose the direction they will go. Those forks are often like gates, and unless you have the skills, education and/or developed abilities that are needed to unlock that gate, you will be forced to go another direction—even if you would really like to explore what lies along that path beyond a particular gate (pp. 18—20).
This emphasizes the importance of accumulating and cultivating personal assets which will allow you to open those gates. Personal assets take the form of education and experience with your skills and aptitudes. At the very least, you need to know what your assets are—what you can do well or have the best possibility of doing well.

Initiative needed

Whether or not you will be able to choose certain paths in life will depend entirely upon you. It will depend on whether you have the required personal assets. This means you will have to take the initiative to discover and develop them. As the previously mentioned book points out in its conclusion, "People who want milk should not seat themselves on a stool in the middle of a field in hopes that the cow will back up to them" (p. 130). Each person needs to take the initiative to improve his or her chances for success in life. That's why planning for the future is so important.
Many people dream of success, but the planning that is needed to accomplish our goals goes well beyond just dreaming. Dreaming about future success can be enjoyable. But dreaming does little to bring that dream into reality. It doesn't develop any personal assets. The critical difference between dreaming and planning is that planning takes one beyond the dream. It involves working toward a means of making the dream a reality.

For example, a young person who is interested in aviation can dream about flying. He can imagine what it would be like to have the freedom of a bird to soar above the clouds. He can dream of how it would feel to have the freedom to go in any direction. But those dreams will never become reality unless some steps are taken to make that dream come true. It will take work to move that dream into the category of a plan for the future. This requires action and doing some research. It requires finding and talking to people in the field of aviation. It requires finding out what steps need to be taken and how to come up with the money for flying lessons or to attend a school of aeronautics.

Make no mistake about it. It does require work on your part. Perhaps this is why so many people find it easier to just dream and not develop a plan for life. Proverbs 13:11 (Living Bible) teaches the benefit of hard work saying, "Wealth from gambling quickly disappears; wealth from hard work grows." Other passages also point out the benefit of work and that mere talk without work is of no benefit (Proverbs 14:23; 28:19).

The effort of creating a plan for your life will be well worth it. It will help you discover and accumulate your own personal assets, which will allow you to be more in control of your future.
Anyone can just drift and take life as it comes. Those who do so will be like that leaf that is totally at the mercy of the currents in a stream. But those who make definite plans in life will find they are more like a person with a paddle in a canoe or raft. They will not just be at the mercy of the currents. They will have the ability to choose the direction they want to go as they travel the river of life. It will take some work. But it is well worth it in the end.

Where will you be in a few years? The answer to that question is largely up to you. An old German proverb says, "You have to take life as it happens, but you should try to make it happen the way you want to take it." Don't just drift in life. Create a plan for it so you can help shape it.

In the next article in this series, we will consider how people can find career paths that "fit" them. Be sure to continue reading "How to Plan Your Life" so you will have the best chance for success. YU ..... www.ucg.org

William James

The great use of Life is to spend it for something that will outlast it!

What Is Success to You?

by Doug Horchak

Some years ago, a bumper sticker made the rounds on many vehicles in the United States. It simply said, "He Who Dies With the Most Toys--WINS!" While such a statement can make us chuckle, it did, nonetheless, express the growing trend in our society to define our happiness and main pursuit in life in terms of "things." What about you?

With a new year and century beginning, many people reflect on goals, plans and their desire to achieve success. Not just anyone's definition of success—but their own vision of fulfillment and happiness.

Do you have goals and achievements you are shooting for during the next year? The next 10 years? Many people know they want to "succeed," but are often confused about what it is they are really after. You don't have to fall into that trap.

We are living at a time when a growing number of people in the developed nations define success by a certain dollar amount or annual salary. Whether it is money itself or the possession of "things"—computers, new cars, the latest clothing or the most current electronic gadgetry—this generation often focuses on the possession of wealth in some form to determine "success."

In this issue of YOUTH United we look at the subject of success and happiness from several different angles. The authors examine the growing preoccupation with materialism in our society, and the guidance that God's Word gives us about covetousness. They look at how to give yourself the advantage of preparing and planning for your future. This issue's "Your Education" feature focuses on the importance of developing often overlooked aspects of your intelligence—your emotions and character.

As you'll discover in the articles in this issue, success is not as superficial as it is painted in the media. Truer words were never spoken than when Jesus Christ instructed His disciples in Luke 12:15, "And He said to them, 'Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.'"

As Christ instructed His followers, true success in the long run involves satisfaction and accomplishment beyond our wildest dreams. It means discovering the true potential given to you and all of mankind by your Creator and enjoying the journey of life to achieve it. The obstacles we might face on the course are not worthy to be compared to the prize. You'll find that helping others in their journey adds joy and happiness to the trip.

If you'd like to know more about your potential and the destiny God has given you, read the inspiring booklet, What Is Your Destiny?.

Here's to your true, never-ending success! YU ..... www.ucg.org

Increasing Our Intelligence

Are people just born either smart or dumb? Is there anything you can do about it?

by David Treybig

Is "book smarts" all that counts? No doubt, obtaining a good education is a great investment for the future. Parents, teachers and community leaders regularly give such advice. And it is well founded. The book of Proverbs, written specifically to younger people, tells its readers to "Get wisdom. Get understanding" because "Wisdom is the principal thing" (Proverbs 4:5, 7). But what if you don't do well in school? Is there anything you can do to increase your chances for success?

Over the last century, American psychologists have tried to find ways to measure wisdom or intelligence. Testing a person's IQ (intelligence quotient) has been one of the most widely used measures of potential success. For example, a test developed by psychologist Lewis Terman at Stanford University was widely administered to approximately two million American men during World War I to determine their intelligence. It was assumed that people were simply born smart or dumb and there was nothing they could do about it. Based on this newly devised test to measure IQ, the men serving in the U.S. military during World War I were assigned duties according to their perceived intelligence.


Similar to the IQ test, grade point averages and college entrance exams (such as the SAT and ACT) have also been used to determine a person's intelligence and as predictors of success. But over the years, many people began to realize that these indicators of intelligence were not guarantees of success. In fact, many apparently intelligent people have failed to live up to their perceived abilities. Valedictorians and people with perfect scores on their college entrance exams have been known to flounder in the real world outside of the classroom. And others with much lower scores have often turned out to be more successful in life than it was thought possible.

How could so many apparent contradictions be explained? Furthermore, is it possible to increase your intelligence? The surprising answer to this second question is, "Yes, some forms of intelligence can be developed." The purpose of this article is to identify things a young person can do to increase his or her intelligence and overall success in life. But before we consider these questions, we need to understand what is meant by intelligence.

Measuring intelligence
Intelligence can be measured in many ways. Psychologist Howard Gardner of the Harvard School of Education wrote in his book, Frames of Mind, in 1983 that intelligence leading to success should be measured over a wide spectrum of intelligences, with seven key varieties. His list included the typical verbal and mathematical tests plus five other measures including spatial capacities, kinesthetic abilities, musical gifts, interpersonal skills and inner contentment.

In 1995, Daniel Goleman added to the collective understanding on this subject with a book titled Emotional Intelligence. Addressing the failure of traditional tests to accurately predict success, he wrote: "There are widespread exceptions to the rule that IQ predicts success...[more] exceptions than cases that fit the rule. At best, IQ contributes about 20 percent to the factors that determine life success, which leaves 80 percent to other forces" (p. 34).

According to this noted psychologist, one of the concepts representing these "other forces" is emotional intelligence - a brain function quite distinct from the verbal and mathematical-logical functions most often measured. As Goleman explained, "In a sense we have two brains, two minds - and two different kinds of intelligence: rational and emotional. How we do in life is determined by both - it is not just IQ, but emotional intelligence that matters" (p. 28). When Goleman speaks of emotional intelligence, he is referring to self-awareness, character and the ability to control impulse. The presence of these characteristics seems to be a better indicator of future success than the purely rational skills.

Character
Interestingly, when the Bible instructs us to seek wisdom and understanding, it does so with the expectation that we can obtain this kind of emotional intelligence - it makes no sense to encourage someone to attempt something that is impossible to obtain. The importance of developing character—the ability to control our emotions and actions—is also addressed in the Bible. Proverbs 16:32 says, "He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city." Learning to rule our spirit, that is, control our thoughts and feelings, is a form of intelligence that can be developed.

News stories abound where emotionally unstable people seemingly go crazy and shoot up a school or business when they feel that they have been mistreated. In such cases, rational thought and emotional control seem to be thrown out the proverbial window. The missing ingredient in so many of these tragedies is character - the ability to know right from wrong, choose right and carry out the right, godly action regardless of the circumstances.

Some people mistakenly believe character means denying all emotions. But such is not the case. Emotions have the potential to provide richness to life that is simply unattainable through other means. Those who have watched the television show Star Trek: The Next Generation have seen the curious observations of the character Data, an emotionless android, who tries to learn what it is like to have human emotions. This character comes to understand that though he has more rational knowledge and dexterity than any human, his lack of emotions prevents him from being human. He is emotionally neutral since he is unable to relish a great accomplishment or feel the sorrow of defeat or loss of a friend.

Emotional intelligence or character simply means living in a balanced way. Rational thought and emotions are balanced - neither completely dominating the other. When balance is not maintained, our life flounders. While the absence of emotion makes life bland and boring, overly intense emotions held for too long a period of time can undermine stability. Given this understanding, managing our moods and thoughts becomes a full-time job.

The key to emotional intelligence
Psychologists have discovered that emotionally intelligent people have a number of coping skills to balance the ups and downs that seem to accompany everyone's life. Such individuals seem to be keenly aware of their feelings and able to adjust their moods as needed. Relationship skills and dealing with anger are two areas where the presence of emotional intelligence is quickly apparent.

Concerning relationships, those possessing this type of intelligence are able to sense the feelings of others around them and positively influence others as the occasion may warrant. In dealing with anger, these same people have learned how to soften or dissuade their anger. They are not necessarily push-overs or apathetic; they may clearly explain their dissatisfaction. But they do so without losing control or going into a senseless rage.

According to the Bible, the key to this emotional intelligence lies in the mind. As a man "thinks in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7). To help us develop and grow into our fullest potential, the Bible is filled with scriptures explaining how to think and act. In simplest terms, we are told to imitate Christ in the way He thought and conducted Himself (Philippians 2:5; 1 John 2:6). We are to let His mind be in us.

Increasing our intelligence
Now that we understand the emotional side of intelligence, we can address the question of how to increase our overall intelligence. Developing emotional maturity through the study of God's Word and learning to model the behavior He desires are vital parts of living a successful life. Unfortunately, many people do not realize the critical importance God places upon this aspect of our education.

If you would like to learn more about the behaviors and thinking God expects of us, request your copies of Making Life Work and Transforming Your Life. They are also available for viewing or downloading from our literature library on the same site.

Learning to think like God definitely increases our emotional intelligence. Why not enhance your education in this vital field as well as in the more traditional areas? You have nothing to lose and much to gain. YU ..... www.ucg.org

Positive Affirmations

You are free of all anxious thoughts and habits
Even when things don't go your way, you remain optimistic
that it will all get better soon
You are free of all negativity in your life
You are grateful for your challenges because of who they make you
You are happy in spite of all your challenges
Even though you embrace abundance in all areas of your life,
you are free of greed
You can breathe life into any task no matter how unpleasant it may be
You can forgive other people for their mistakes
You are free of all resentment and bitterness towards others
You quickly forgive yourself for the mistakes you make
You now find it easy to respond positively to the stresses of everyday life
You have risen above all past limitations
You are free of all jealousy and are happy for the blessings of others
You naturally see all problems as small and easy to overcome
You learn valuable lessons from all your daily struggles
You are free of all negative emotional bondage that anyone or anything
ever had on you
You see all your daily challenges as well within your capabilities
You take every difficulty in stride and always keep your cool
You are resilient - Your daily trials give you wisdom,
strength and confidence
You work through every struggle with absolute faith that
everything will work out for you
You are a clear thinker and find solutions to problems quickly and easily
You are great at finding the silver lining in every dark cloud
In spite of your faults, you are happy to be you
It's easy for you to let go of negative emotions and happily move forward
Making your own mistakes has taught you how important it is to
forgive others for theirs
Through every setback, you can stay happy knowing that,
ultimately, you will succeed
Your mind is now free of all harsh critical judgment
No matter how much chaos there may be around you,
your thoughts are peaceful and calm
Through all of life's difficulties, you just smile and do your best
Out of every misfortune you see tremendous opportunity
Through your daily struggles, you become more in every way
When adversity threatens to steal your enthusiasm,
you remember : THIS TOO SHALL PASS!
You thoroughly enjoy the process of working through every challenge you face
As time goes on, you get greater and greater enjoyment out of life
Doing your best brings you tremendous peace of mind
Even though you strive to achieve more, you are grateful
for every good thing now in your life Happiness is your natural state of mind
You allow other people to be responsible for themselves
You always have time to enjoy the here and now
You are a very likeable person
You like people for who they are, not for who you want them to be
You are always content with doing your best
You can laugh at yourself You are always satisfied with doing your best
You bring out the goodness in other people
You are calm and at ease no matter where you are and no matter what you are doing You can focus on one thing at a time without distraction
You are grateful for every lesson you are given, no matter what shape it takes
You only allow positive thoughts and ideas into your mind now
You are open to doing new and different things
You appreciate even the littlest kindnesses that other people do
You base your value on what is in your heart, not what is in your wallet
You believe that everything you do, you can do better with a smile
You always have time for a good laugh
You believe that success is the peace of mind that comes from doing your best
You bring happiness and good cheer wherever you go
You can always find something to be glad about
You now see wonderful opportunities all around you
You can have fun doing almost anything
It is your choice to be happy or sad, and you choose to be happy
You deserve to be happy
You enjoy today's pleasures today
You can quickly find something to like about everyone you meet
You feel a sense of accomplishment after every job well done
You find pleasure in both giving and receiving
You learn from the past but you live completely in the present
No matter, what you remain optimistic about your promising future
You live each day with the wonder of a child
You make other people feel good about themselves
You spend more time thinking about what you do want than what you don't
You truly enjoy doing nice things for other people
You wake up excited and eager to greet each new day
You surround yourself now with happy, enthusiastic people
No matter how much or how little you have, you are grateful for all of it
It's easy for you to notice what is good/fun in almost every situation now
No matter what you are doing, you try to make it as enjoyable as possible
The love in your heart creates harmony in every area of your life

Born to Succeed!

When loneliness and depression beat you down, remember, there is Someone to help you up. Don't accept the label "loser," because you were born to succeed!

by Janet Treadway

The PA cracked on and the principal began to speak in a raspy, serious and sorrowful tone: "I have a tragic incident to relate to you, and I want you all to listen and think about it. Sara Hughes, a sophomore here, committed suicide yesterday..."
Sara Hughes—the students sat quietly remembering or trying to remember her. Just last Friday some of the students had been listening to the radio and had heard Sara call in. Upon naming the top 10 hits in order, she had been awarded a pizza party for herself and 25 of her friends. But she had not giggled with excitement as most people did when they won. She simply told the DJ, "Thank you—but I don't have 25 friends." The DJ had tried to persuade her, but she protested, "No, really, I don't have any friends," and with a click she was off the line.
Only a week before she had been alive and now she was dead. Students shivered at the thought and turned their attention back to the scratchy voice of the principal: "Please look around you at your classmates. Is there anyone who is left out all the time, anyone who has no friends? Please tell your teacher if you know of anyone."
When I heard about this true story, it touched the very core of my being. Why? Because I have been down that road of loneliness myself and I am sure that many of you have too. But, thankfully, I chose to handle it in a different way. The fact is, many of us, young and old alike, may feel left out or that we do not fit in. But most of us get back up and get going again. What happened to Sara that she would take such a drastic action? How could she have dealt with this differently, and how could other students around her have helped her?

Before tattoo on body, tattoo on mind

It all starts with the mind and what we put into our minds about ourselves and others.
Once, walking through the twisted narrow streets of Hong Kong, a man came upon a tattoo studio. In the window were displayed samples of the tattoos available. There were anchors and flags and mermaids. But what struck him with force were three words that could be tattooed on one's flesh: "Born to lose."
He entered the shop in astonishment and, pointing to those words, asked, "Does anyone really have that terrible phrase, 'Born to lose,' tattooed on his body?" The Chinese tattoo artist replied, "Yes, sometimes." "But," the man said, "I just can't believe that anyone in his right mind would do that." The Chinese man simply tapped his forehead and said in broken English, "Before tattoo on body, tattoo on mind."
Be careful what you put in your mind. It's so easy to tattoo negative things about ourselves in our minds. We think, "I am a loser and no one likes me." Sara had tattooed in her mind that she was a loser, that she was not worthy to be loved and cared for by friends around her. Because of her own self-image she gave off signals to others that she would not be fun to hang around with, which caused Sara to isolate herself from others even more. Many of us from time to time sink low, and feel this way about ourselves, but we must get back up. Talk to someone who can encourage you like Charles Eliot's mother encouraged him when he was down.
Charles William Eliot (1834-1926), former president of Harvard University, had a birthmark on his face that bothered him greatly. As a young man, he was told that surgeons could do nothing to remove it. Someone described that moment as "the dark hour of his soul." Eliot's mother gave him this helpful advice: "My son, it is not possible for you to get rid of that hardship.... But, it is possible for you, with God's help, to grow a mind and soul so big that people will forget to look at your face."
Mind and soul—how do we develop those? By reaching out to others. A proverb says that a man who has many friends must show himself friendly. I remember when I first came to church at the age of 19, I was so painfully shy that I would stand next to the wall and not speak. Then one day my minister said, "Janet, you need to go around and speak to people. Just put out your hand and say hello." The first time I did it, I thought I was going to faint. But the more I did it, the easier it became. Now I can speak to just about anyone. My minister taught me a valuable lesson about getting my mind off self and onto others. By doing this, my shyness was cured.
God sets an outstanding example for all of us to follow in reaching out and helping others. Psalm 113:5-7 says, "Who is like the Lord our God, who dwells on high, who humbles Himself to behold the things that are in the heavens and in the earth? He raises the poor out of the dust, and lifts the needy out of the ash heap." It is so nice to know that when we get down and feel as though we are on an ash heap, God is there to reach down to help us.
With constant contact with God, He can live in us and give us the confidence we need to be outgoing and friendly. Sometimes flaws that are so big in our own eyes can be so small to others. A warm and friendly smile and being concerned for others causes people to lose sight of those flaws that seem so big to us. By focusing on others we can become healers.

Become a healer

What is a healer? Webster's Dictionary says a healer is one that heals or attempts to heal. A healer restores a person to wholeness. We should be in the business of healing.
Everyone wants to be loved. Why not look for those who may be hurting inside, like Sara? If only someone had taken the time to reach out and offer a hand of friendship, this tragic story might not have occurred. It takes so little time to show care for someone else. This act of love, of taking the time, can make a lifelong difference in another's life.
Being people-centered, instead of self-centered, can make our lives shine to others around us. Reaching out to others will also help turn our own depression (as well as others') into joy.

Words can kill

Not only can we be guilty of tattooing negative images about ourselves into our own minds, but we can also be responsible for tattooing a negative image onto another person. How? We do this by our hurtful words to others and about others. Have you ever heard the expression, "He's a loser"? It's an expression that is used freely today. Do you know how damaging these words can be? What kind of hurtful things have been said to you? How much did it hurt?
Does God look at anyone as a loser? No! It is His will for all to be sons of God in His Kingdom. Be a person who uses words that heal. Use words that build up and encourage, not tear down. Perhaps Sara had hurtful words said to her that caused her to withdraw, pull back and become a loner. Be a healer with your words. Proverbs 16:24 says, "Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones." Choose your words carefully and use them to build up and encourage.

Accept what God is doing in your life

We must accept and work with what God has given us. We may have freckles, red hair, be too short, too tall, too skinny, too fat, have a speech problem or anything else we don't like about ourselves. Sometimes we are just too hard on others and ourselves.
Look what one girl came to realize after struggling with being too short. Elizabeth Elliot, in her book Let Me Be a Woman, records the story of Gladys Aylward who was unable to accept the looks God had given her. Gladys explained that when she was young she had two great sorrows. One was that, while all her friends had beautiful golden hair, hers was black. The other was that, while her friends were still growing, she had stopped. She was about four feet ten inches tall. But when she moved to Shanghai, China, she immediately noticed something about the people. "Every single one of them," she said, "had black hair. And every one of them had stopped growing when I did." She was able to look to God and exclaim, "Lord God, You know what You're doing!"
Gladys accepted what God was doing in her life. Learn to have the total confidence that God knows what He is doing with you in your life—that you are called for a great purpose! Many things you go through are for a reason that will enable you one day to fulfill God's great plan for you.

Success summary

So how could the tragic story at the beginning of the article have had a different ending? Here is some sound advice:
Be careful what you tattoo on your mind and others. Remember, you are a special gift from God. Be careful not to discourage anyone by your words.
Be a healer. Reach out to others. Get your mind off self and onto others and their concerns, which will cause you to have many friends who will love you and appreciate you.
Accept what God is doing in your life. God can use what we think is negative about ourselves to serve Him in an even greater way.
If you feel like taking your life, or know someone who feels that way, get help! Talk to a minister or a trusted friend. But talk to someone. Never take it lightly when someone says that he or she wants to die. And certainly pour out your heart to God about it and ask Him to encourage you. No one should ever end up as Sara Hughes did.
You are not a loser. You were born to succeed! YU ..... www.ucg.org

Janet Treadway works in the home office of the United Church of God and enjoys writing for and working with young people.